Sunday, November 25, 2007

The Perfect Roommate

I’ve spent the last month or so showing my apartment to potential new roommates, as my roomy Matt is moving to LA to have his dreams crushed. (I give it a year before he quits PAing for "Prison Break") In the process, I’ve met over 20 people and developed a routine I’m fairly proud of.

"This here is the dishwasher, which, of course, is a lifesaver! Hahaha!"
"I’m a pianist yes, but I mainly play AC/DC covers. Hahaha!"
"I’m Jewish... Don't go"

I wish you could see me now showing that laundry room with my high waving hand gestures, talking up the heat ventilation with unbridled enthusiasm, justifying the vitality of the neighborhood in my "high-pitched-I-want-to-be-your-friend" voice.

But alas, it was not to be. Alone, curled up in my bed, and weeping, I looked out the window in despair at a world that didn't want Danny Ross as a roommate. Was it the tomato sauce stains on the kitchen counter? The roll of toilet paper strung out across the living room floor? The hollowed-out cat carcass on the windowsill? Hard to say.

But it was at that point, 20 visitors, 3 committed signers (who ultimately pulled out) and 45 tubs of Raspberry Ciao Bella Gelato later, that I made the brave decision to leave Manhattan. Where one could purchase hot cinnamon cashews on the street corner. Indeed, it would be a loss. But the decision was final. I would in fact be moving to Brooklyn.

I told myself, "Now all you Brooklyn lovers, just relax. I'm not sold yet. BK will have to prove itself to me over time, much like the McRib Sandwich or Pete Rose. And for all you Brooklyn haters, just relax. I’m not moving to Williamsburg."

And of course 20 minutes after I made this life-changing, world-altering decision, I received an email from a nice guy named Rob who decided to take the apartment and move in with me. I said "Jesus, Rob, we just met. You have to romance me a little. Buy me wine, take me dancing." To avoid the hell that is moving in NYC, I immediately accepted his offer and said goodbye to Brooklyn forever. Well it was a good thought I suppose.

This week's music picks: Elvis Costello's Get Happy!!, Sam Cooke's Live from The Harlem Square Club

This week's shows: Elizabeth and The Catapult (Wed at Rockwood); Andrew Bird (Fri at The Beacon)

Probably your best friend,
Danny Ross